6 months before diagnosis, I would frequently feel breathless, I was weak always falling sick. And in one month I would visit a GP as many as 3times a month, this is ALOT for a normal being. But I keep having this tightness in my chest and I felt breathless; I would think that my bronchitis is coming back.
And that period was when SARS breakout throughout S.E.A, Doctors will always dismissed my symptons (to the extend of suspecting whether I just wanted MC to get out of JOB) so I keep on taking inhaler and prednisolone for my asthma.
I took so much medicines, my body was sending out signals to me. There was once I felt delirious and fainted at YQ house. A normal person don't just start feeling delirious and fainted. On that fateful day, I kept telling YQ I am seeing stars, feeling faint surfing the internet. I thought I overwork and was tired. But when I shifted myself to the bed, I start mumbling to YQ that I have a stomachache andI needed to go to the toilet immediately. I guess YQ senses that something was not right and walked me over, the next thing I know, I ZONE out. And when I wake from my spells, I felt naseous and I was lying in the kitchen next to the sink till the next day morning and I still muster the strenght to go to work.
The last straw came when I wake up one day without ANY VOICE, I thought it was sore throat and went to see a doctore for it. As usual, a prescription and I was sent home. It was until today I realised why didn't the doctor checked me for any ENLARGE lymph nodes for other sympton?? Anwway, Later in the afternoon, I felt a lump in my neck the size and texture like a golf ball, it was HARD FIXed lump and not a soft lump. I called my parents about it, and waited till the evening before I decide to go to the A&E.
At that moment in time; SGH, Tan Tock Seng hospital are INFECTED with SARS. And that is why I am in NUH!
After the X-ray, I am followed by a series of whirlwind, up and down relationship with NHL starts ...
I was initially send to ENT and wasted 2 weeks there, and later on send to the Cardiology department and wasted another 2 weeks before a Senior Dr decided to biopsy me.
It was a day surgery and I was awake throughout the surgery, and the doctor confirmed with me IMMEDIATELY that it was cancer but have to wait for the result to come in to confirm which I have.
Another 2 weeks later I am directed to the cancer center to Dr Lim Hong Liang ~
At that period it was tough to get INTO a hospital. Those who GOT IN, sick or not have to wear a mask and do a temperature testing at the front gate of the hospital. And most of the time ONLY the sick can get INTO the hospital. So most of the time, I go for checkup alone or with my brother. Because at that time YQ is only my boyfriend so if he were to go with me, he got to WAIT OUTSIDE.
I still remember there were times, my brother has to sneak his pass for YQ so that he can come and take a look at the ugly me. I was in and out so many times and was suffering, I couldn't remember ALOT of what happen then. I remember there was once, I had a fever and it was COMMON because of the chemotherapy and guess what the people at the DOOR refused ENTRY for me!!! I got to secretly buy COLD water and take the temperature and fake MYSELF into the hospital!!
I never really didn't have a chance and the time to absorbed what happen at that period of time. Everything was so URGENT after the confirm diagnosis. I was put on PRIORITY. Maybe, I try not to make sense of what happening and sometime, I try to think as OTHER it is NOT me.
Maybe I have never accepted the fact it happen and everything was automatically blocked out.
Until today 5 years later, I am still asking myself DID all these REALLY happen to me? Seems so surreal, like a Nightmare woken up.
